Growing up, I was a fat kid. I kind of still am a fat kid. I am a large guy so when I stare at myself in the mirror, I see Shamu. Realistically, I am a big dude. My parents didn’t help. They would feed me I couldn’t fit anything in me. Louis C.K. has a skit where he describes how much he eats: “I eat until I am in pain and don’t want to touch food. Every time I have to go to the bathroom, it’s an emergency!” I eat a lot of food and know what goes down well and what doesn’t. Something Jews should take awareness too: we don’t cook the most appealing things to people outside of our culture. Minus Challah, Bagels, Pickles, you ain’t going to find any non-jew (goy) eating because it’s a major acquired taste. Seriously, half the Jews I know look at chopped liver and ask me, “Really? Meow Mix?” So do yourself a justice right now, close your eyes and sit back and ask yourself, what does your family cook that is better than a restaurant? You can think of a maximum 5 dishes. That’s because Jews don’t cook well. I mean lets not lie, we nayed three great flavors from our palettes a long time ago: bacon, lobster, and cheeseburgers. With most of the Jews in the Pittsburgh area being well off and not kosher, what is your mom most likely making for dinner when you’re home? Reservations. I don’t hate it. My mom does too. But it just explains the schmorgasboard.
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